Friday, March 17, 2006

I Believe

I believe in the sun when it's not shining,
I believe in love even when I feel it not,
I believe what whiskey will not cure,
there is no cure for.

~Irish Proverb~

~Artwork used in tag is © Alan


Big Papa 42 said...

I believe in you T, wish I would have gotten to know you better many moons ago... for you are an interesting person...

SmileyTD said...

Wow! That sure made me sit up a little higher in my chair. Thank you...very much. :)
Wanna' know what I remember most about you from all those moons ago?? You were almost always smiling and always had something nice (or funny) to say. Although we weren't close, you were always one of my favorite people because you didn't just drag through life like some of the rest of us did back then.
Thank you again for the nice things you said. :)

Big Papa 42 said...

why your welcome and those things were most deserved. If we could only turn back time. Or if we could go back with the knowledge that we have now would make life interesting hum... Isnt it funny how we as kids or young adults make stupid descions because o what our friends thin or say?

SmileyTD said...

Yes...when we were kids, it seems like we were fairly easily influenced by what our friends said and did. We may not have wanted to be the most popular, but we at least wanted fit in amongst our favorite people....our best friends. Luckily, my closest friends back then were a LOT like me. They didn't have to do very much influencing because, normally, I thought the same way and wanted to do the same things that they did. LOL

I know exactly what you're saying about going back to those days. *Warning~I'm about to delve into a deep thought here. LOL* Many times, I have sat and pondered that hypothetical question as to whether or not I would honestly go back if I somehow could. In certain aspects, it would be great...a circle of close friends that would stick by you no matter what, no major responsiblities, only a handfull of worries, always something interesting going on.

However, that was a really rough time for me personally. What I wanted to do more than anything back then was to crawl into the bed, cover up my head and stay there forever. LOL I'm not real sure that I could (or would want to) go through it again, even with the knowledge I have picked up along the way. LOL

The way I have it figured, all of those things happened for a reason though...that reason being to learn from the experience. If it wasn't for the things we went through back then, I don't think we'd be who we are now. We probably wouldn't have the knowledge that we have today, either. *End of deep thoughts. You can take off your hip waders now. LOL*

I do honestly appreciate the compliments. Things like that give me a sort of reassurance that I'm doin' ok in life. Seems like you're doing pretty well yourself. :)

Big Papa 42 said...

Yes, I think things happened for a reason also. Its nice to search your mind from time to time for memories from the past.Amazing at what you can come up with.I as well didnt like the high school years all that well.There were a few things that made it not so fun. My run in with a coach our junior year during the faculity bus team basketball game was one. He held it against me until we graduated kinda make it hard to play football senior year so i quite. Wish I wouldnt have let him get to me, but oh well. Then there was my mom learning she had terminal cancer.But I guess thats part of life , part of our maturing process.
I can go back as far as jr high to find some good memories. top 4 would be not in any order... (1)winning second place in the easter egg toss with cody (2) playing quarterback and having fun even though we werent that good (3)dancing with heather at the homecoming dance ( at the time I thought it was cool) (4) hanging with a really cool chick while we practiced graduation.

SmileyTD said...

I am honored that I would rank that high in your memories. :) I never thought that anyone would remember something about ME for that long...AND hold the memory in such high regard. Thank you. It was a privelege to get to hang out with you then.

That was awful about your Mom. I don't know if I knew that back then or not. I don't think I did. Regardless, that's very sad and I'm sure that it was extremely difficult to have to deal with.

It's totally understandable why you quit football. It sucks that you felt you had to do that, though. Sometimes, we do things we don't want to because we feel that it would be the best and simplest way of dealing with them at the time. (I've been guilty of that many, many times in my life...not just when I was in school.) really sucks that some of the coaches have to be that way with kids, no matter if they're teenagers or not. Everything seems to be personal with them instead of a teacher-student professional type relationship.

My high school years were filled with hardships from beginning to end. My Mom and I didn't really get along and my Grandparents needed my help. After lots of fighting and arguing, my Mom let me move out and I went to live with my Grandparents. I was 14 at the time. My Granny was bedfast and my Grandpa and Aunt were doing all that they could and then some.

My Aunt lived 80 miles away and almost lost her job because of having to take off from work to come to Clay and give my Grandpa a break. My coming to live with Granny and Grandpa was the best thing for everyone. Even though I was in school, I was there of the evenings and nights and weekends so that took the load off of both my Grandpa and my Aunt. Granny died a little while after I moved in (during my Sophomore year) in January.

Right after that, my Dad suddenly decided to get married and move after 13 years of dating the same woman. Needless to say, that came as quite a shock. LOL That also meant that I couldn't call on him for help as I had before when I needed it. (Which I didn't really do anyway, but knowing that I could made me feel better.)

My Grandpa and I were left keeping one another company. He'd cook and I'd do the errands. We took turns with things around the house and that kept the both of us busy. When he started getting sick, I had to help him out like I had helped with my Granny. In January of my Senior year, he passed away, leaving me living alone.

It was sooooo scary being all alone like that while still in school. I still hadn't gotten my driver's license...had no money, no job, no nothing other than a roof over my head. (Thank goodness for that, though.) I was unexpectedly left on my own and unsure how to deal with that. It was just as hard to finish out my Senior year as it was trying to live by myself...but I did. :)

All of that stuff, coupled with some troubling teenage crap (a boyfriend that kept dumping me for those trashy chicks, trying to pass my classes, trying to participate in things like Spektrum while doing everything else, etc.)...well, it was just too much. LOL

Thank goodness you and I were both able to somehow survive the troubles that we were put through. I believe that it makes us stronger and in a way, wiser.

Big Papa 42 said...

Wow, You just seem to amaze me mor and more every day!! Sorry to hear about your losses, I had no idea. I also moved out senior year, in January so I have been on my own since then also. Sounds like we have a few things in common.To bad it took some 14 years to realise that If it would have been back then I would have tried to knock on your door ;-) I alway did like ya and knew you were a great person. Well im going to go and get a pain pill just got done rebuilding my chimney and replacing the molding on my garage oh yea and trying to get this dam quirrel out of my attic.Reminds me of that movie Cadyshack. Hopefully they will get to operate on my knee soon and maybe fix it right this time. Well sweety you take care. I will see ya around.